Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The day I lost my papa.

I've been wanting to post a blogpost about this sweet man for some time now. I've been putting it off, praying about here it is. This is what has been laying on my heart. I wish everyone in this world had a chance to meet this loving man. He loved EVERYONE. Now he is in his favorite place and smiling down on us.

On Thursday May 1, 2014  just two days before mine and Ethan's big day God had plans for my papa and it was his time to go. He left us way too soon. He lived his beautiful life for 76 years. It was the hardest moment in my life. My mom received a phone call around 2:45am from a 911 dispatch telling us that my papa was in route to the hospital. As we drove there I had so many thoughts going in my mind, my hands were shaking but I knew he was okay..I thought "maybe he just fell, but didn't get hurt too bad" "he will be okay" "he has to be okay" My strong, most humble & loving papa had been going down hill for the past year, but he still kept trucking along with no complaints. He had fallen a lot and couldn't drive anymore..which was killing us to see him go through that. But he never gave up & always went to his doctor appointments, he always had to go to McDonalds and eat his oatmeal & drink his coffee. Him and my granny loved to keep the roads hot! That's what kept them going.

As we arrived at the hospital that morning we received another call to just go to him and my granny's house. My aunt Kelly & mom must have known something but me, I kept thinking he was okay. I never really imagined losing my papa this soon. I knew he didn't feel good and he had heart problems but he was such a tough man and I just knew he would pull through anything. But as we drove up to their house…we knew then something wasn't right. He passed away in his sleep. He didn't fall or hurt himself. He was in his bed where him and my granny slept for 54 years.

This was at their 50th year anniversary party. Man look at that smile!!!

My poor granny lost the love her life and my heart broke into a million pieces for her on that early morning. I couldn't believe it. I asked God why? Why did he have to take him before my wedding? I wanted him to be there so bad. I would always tell him the countdown until the wedding..along with everyone else on Instagram.  I thought to myself..why did I keep telling him that? I probably stressed him out!.. I was so mad that my wedding was that Saturday and wasn't the week before. Selfish I know, but I just couldn't believe it. It was also my cousin Brooke's 18th birthday. But God had a plan for my papa. He didn't want him to suffer anymore. My whole family was in shock. My papa and granny had 6 kids, 11 grandkids & 1 great grandchild. God has blessed my family so much. I have such a loving family and a great support system.

My papa is such a great role model. He wrote a story about his time with God & when he accepted Jesus into his life. He had copies made..which means he wanted people to know his testimony. He was such a Godly man. He accepted God when we was about 30 years old. One part in his story says "I know I have eternal life because his spirit has made himself known to me and I am one of his. I thank God for his Son Jesus who died for me and for his spirit that convicted me of my sin assured me of Salvation and teaches and guides me thru this life. I thank him for a Christian mother and daddy, I thank him for my wife who I love dearly and has been my help mate thru this time…" He always prayed before we ate at family get togethers. He ALWAYS thanked Jesus for dying for us & Thanked God for our family. How lucky are we that he had such a caring grandpa?

I saw my sweet papa Tuesday before he passed away. He always sat in HIS chair, watched HIS TV and he looked so peaceful. He looked up at me & just smiled & kissed me on the cheek like he does with everyone. He wanted everyone to know how much he loved him & by his sweet kiss we always knew. He couldn't hear at all but he had that hearing aide that he would make work(He could fix ANYTHING) & he was a PRO at reading lips. But we had a little dry erase board & I would always write little notes to him. I wrote that day that it was only 4 more days until my wedding…and he just smiled. I always wondered what he thought about the wedding. He was always so content with life and never wanted anything. Last Thanksgiving we had dinner at my aunt Kristie's house, where I had my wedding dress and I tried it on my for my granny & few of my aunts that night. My cousin Jenny asked if I wanted papa to see it & so I did. He came in my aunts bedroom smiling ear to ear walking up to me & kissed me on the cheek. I felt so special and loved by this man.  So thank you Jenny for asking me that night. I will forever remember his smile when he seen me in my wedding dress.

This was on April 11th 1 day before his 76th birthday. & this was my last picture with him.

My papa isn't here anymore. When I go see my granny & when I go to their house it sinks in more and more that he is really gone. I will always remember when he pulled my first tooth, got TWO ticks out of my head one time and put band-aids on me whenever I got hurt. I can hear him say "Its not going to hurt just sit still" and I listened and it was always pain free. He was so gentle but such a strong man who will forever by in my heart.

I know I speak for my whole family when I tell you how much I loved him. He truly was an amazing man. We will forever have memories of him.

Such a cutie pie. So thankful for this picture.
So as my mama who lost her daddy that day still came to my side and hugged me saying "You are still going to have your dream wedding." and I told her no..that I didn't want to have the wedding. I just wanted to marry Ethan at the courthouse. I was so hurt that day...and I didn't want to let my papa go. He was only 76..I thought he could've lived 20 more years! But I had all of my aunts…my papas sweet, sweet daughters telling me that it was okay..that papa would want me to have the wedding. He would want me to be happy. I thought to myself HOW could I get through it? I knew I wanted to marry Ethan so bad but I knew it was going to the most emotional weekend in our lives. The wedding was Saturday and my papas funeral was Sunday. I never imagined it would be like that. So with only 2 days before the wedding I decided to continue with everything. We had booked everything and was expecting 175+ people. People might've thought…"she is still going through with the wedding?" But on Saturday I could feel my papa so much that day and I felt God telling me it was going to be okay. "YOU CAN DO IT. Your papa is there." Then I knew I couldn't wait to see Ethan, the love of my life and marry him.

Love these 2 so much.

Last summer. I smile every time I see this picture.

This memory will always be in my mind. Papa couldn't hear us say,"DO THE DUCK FACE!" so his sweet face just looked around us & he copied us. We all laughed. That was a great night.

We love our papa!

 My granny told me after the funeral that she was married for 54 years and had a great marriage & that my papa was so good to her. She said I was going to be okay and not to cry & told me to go to the honeymoon & enjoy it. As I'm hugging her and thinking to myself how is my granny so strong? How is she going to get through this? But one of my favorite verses in the bible says "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13

My heart broke on Thursday morning & healed on Saturday when I heard God speak to me and when I married Ethan. Don't get me wrong though my heart still aches when I think of him, think of my granny, my mama & all of my family. We all miss him so much. 

Photo by Jordan Brannock Photography.

This was for you papa…I hope you received them from all of us. I love you & miss you everyday. Cant wait until we meet again one day. 
Photo by

"You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into your glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:24-26

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